This is the most difficult aspect of contact arrangements. Our son does not like new places or new people, so we try to meet somewhere he has been before. We try to find a meeting place where there is some sort of play equipment and where any of the parties are unlikely to meet anyone they know. We choose an activity where our child and their birth mother can interact on many levels, where they can have space and time just to look at each other and have space between them. Sometimes we meet near the birth parent’s home town and at other times we meet near our home town. We do not meet in McDonald’s or in a Café since there is a possibility that battles over food could become a distraction from everyone’s enjoyment of the occasion.

Whilst we do take the birth mother’s feelings into account, it is very important that we and our children are as relaxed as possible. It is also clear to us that the birth parent needs to be accompanied by a Social Worker or Social Work Assistant, since they will need support before, during and after contact. We at least have each other to talk to about our complex feelings!