Education

Posted by admin on Mar-30-2009

When children are placed for Adoption, they are, of course at various stages of
development, and may have had no experience of formal education, or may be
transferring between Education Authorities. The following pages seek to assist Adoptive
Parents, through this very important stage.

School aged children
Every child who has attended Nursery or is of school age will have been given their own
unique education number that will stay with them throughout their formal education. It is
important that you acquire this number, and keep a note of it, since it may be necessary
to quote it if extra resources or past records are required.
During the course of introductions with your child you will have learned as much about
your child’s previous life as possible. You will have found out about the child’s emotional
history, life experiences and the emotional climate in which she or he was born and
lived. Subsequent experiences with foster carers and/or children’s homes or other
carers, will also have been looked at carefully, giving you an appreciation of the state in
which the child came to you so that you could plan appropriate parenting strategies.
It goes without saying, therefore, that your child’s experience of Education will need the
same scrutiny. Research reminds us that children thrive when:
• They have someone who is proud of their achievements
• Parents are supportive of education
• They have access to books
• They have somewhere to do their homework
• They have access to After School Clubs where they can achieve nonacademically
• They have an adult to talk to, both at school and at home, who understands their
position.
In May 2000, the Government issued guidance on the Education of Children and Young
People in Public Care. It is supported by DH Circular LAC(2000)13.
The guidance seeks to address the serious underachievement of children in public care,
and its purpose is to bring their attainment closer to that of their peers.
Children in public care may have had a number of changes in placement and school
may also have been disrupted. In addition the child may have a disability and/or learning
disabilities. As a consequence, the child could be in need of extra or special help. They
may already be Statemented, which means that the child’s educational needs have been
identified by an Educational Psychologist and a Statement about these needs has been
drawn up. Children with a Statement of Special Educational Needs are sometimes
entitled to receive assistance from a Learning Support Worker (until recently called a
Non-teaching Assistant) for a specified number of hours a week.
Integration into the new school
You may not have a choice about where you send your child to school, but if you do, it
always helps to make an appointment to see the Head Teacher to discuss your child. At
this stage you may not know the child sufficiently well to make a judgement about which
school to go for, but there are a few practical things you could explore at this stage.
It can be helpful to ask the Head Teacher to anticipate your child’s arrival by discussing
an Integration Plan. Your child may not have had a good experience of school in the
past, may have been bullied or, having enjoyed herself there, finds that she has yet
another move to contend with. The timing of her introduction into school is an important
factor to her settling down. The beginning of an academic year is obviously the best
option, when there may be other new children starting. Your child will stand out from the
crowd because she is new, because she may have a different regional accent to the
other children, she may be from a different culture and race, she may be small for her
age etc. These may seem minor things to adults, but they can cause children a great
deal of anxiety if not properly managed.
An Integration Plan should help to anticipate and intercept potential difficulties. Your
child should have a tour of the school, meet the Class Teacher and if possible, join in
some inter curricular activities to build up a friendship group. If she has special needs
and will have a Learning Support Worker, then she will need to meet that person too.
Some secondary schools have a ‘Buddy System’ where a friend is assigned to a new
pupil whose role it is to foster relationships with the new child’s peer group.
It will be helpful to find out if the school has an anti-bullying strategy, the name of the
person responsible for its implementation and how it works. The School should have a
leaflet listing the activities and various support systems that will benefit your child.
Simple things like a photograph of the school, and a photograph of the Teacher and the
Learning Support Teacher (if there is to be one) have been found to be helpful to
children who have had many changes in their lives. Anything that can be done to
relieve uncertainty and anxiety should help to smooth your child’s entry into this new and
scary part of her life. Above all, ease your child in gently.
Further information
You may be interested in visiting the Department of Education Website parent’s page at:
http://www.dfes.gov.uk/parentsgateway/index.shtml which will give you more
information.
‘Guidance on the Education of Children and Young People in Care’ is available on the
internet at www.dfee.gov.uk/incare.
Further information on the Quality Protects programme is available at
www.doh.gov.uk/qualityprotects/index.htm
Mcamd12.03.02

Dr. Mather's Talk

Posted by admin on Mar-30-2009

“It’s all right our doctor has done a medical”

Post Adoption Support by Health
Dr Mary Mather
Consultant Paediatrician

Adoption 1300 BC
On opening it, she looked, and lo, there was a baby boy, crying! She was moved with pity for him and said, "It is one of the Hebrew's children."
(Ex Exodus odus 2:5 5-6)
Moses saved from the water Palazzi Pontifici Pontifici, Vatican, Raphael 1517

Medical History of Adoption
- From Egyptian papyrus to …
attachment theory.
- From basic physical examination to …
comprehensive holistic assessment of …
health but also …
developmental education, social and …
emotional needs.

British Adoption History
1926 First British Adoption Law
- to provide legal recognition and security for the adoptive families of babies born out of wedlock and orphans of the First World War
1930
- 4,000 recorded adoptions
1950
- 14,500 recorded adoptions
1968
- 27,000 the highest number of adoptions on record
1926 -1990
- 876,601 recorded adoptions in England & Wales
-all these adults in response to a standard medical history can only say:
“I’m sorry I don’t know I’m adopted”
- adoption was largely confined to baby adoption by infertile couples
- ‘perfect’ baby -white, healthy, normal
- ‘perfect’ couple -white, healthy, affluent, married
- older children and children with disabilities were considered ‘unfit’ to adopt
- confidentiality and secrecy were essential for both adopters and children
- the past, including medical history, was deleted
- many children were simply never told
- new birth certificate
- new medical records were started
- new NHS number (still applies)

The Role of the Doctor
- brief physical examination of the newborn
- often done after placement
- any child found to have problems
- labelled “unadoptable”
- adopters given little health information
- it was assumed that all would be well
- parallels with intercountry adoption

Adoption Present
1980 -2001
- very changed population
- older children
- rejected or abused by parents
- parents affected by mental illness / drugs
- physical or learning disability
- sibling groups
- minority ethnic backgrounds

Why Adoption Fails
Information not clear or realistic
- 36% positive
- 33% negative
- 13% mixed (Murch& Lowe 1999)
- expectations compared to reality
- anticipating the wrong problems
- being deliberately misled
- problems not recognised by agencies

The Future of Adoption Work in Health
- a different type of work

Adoption Greenwich 1999
100 consecutive children presented to adoption panel
- 31 normal
- 44 significant problems
- 25 multiple problems
- 57 abuse and neglect
- 15 ‘voluntarily relinquished’
- 13 mental health problems in parents
- 9 drug abuse in parents
- 2 abandoned babies
- 60 behaviour problems
- 10 / 38 school children achieving normally at school
- 22 / 62 pre-school had developmental delay
- 36 physical problems
* 9 asthma / eczema
* 6 failure to thrive
* 5 squints
* 4 hearing loss
* 4 microcephaly
* 3 motor co-ordination difficulties
* 2 foetal alcohol syndrome

A Neglected Paediatric Specialty?
New conditions found in 5 children
- 1 spastic quadriplegic CP
- 1 pulmonary stenosis
- 1 undescended testis
- 2 HIV / Hep B tests

The Future of Adoption Work in Health
- a different type of work
- a different type of doctor

Child Protection & Adoption
- get artificially separated but in practice interlinked
- abuse and neglect followed by a lifelong series of health and management issues
- information about the past is essential
- for the sake of the child professional partnership with adopters and birth parents is essential

Skills and Competencies
In-depth knowledge of
- child health & development
- consequences of child abuse & neglect
- consequences of poor attachment
- consequences of genetically inherited illness in birth parents
- implications of parental lifestyles involving drugs and alcohol

An ability to work as part of a team with good links with
- genetic services
- communicable disease services HIV, Hep B & C
- infertility services
- child psychiatrists
- child protection services
- developmental assessment centres
- education special needs services
- ability to give social workers and adopters clear advice
- post adoption support begins with a comprehensive adoption medical
- to know is to understand

Post Adoption Support begins with the Adoption Medical
- a very comprehensive medical
- assessment of physical, emotional and educational needs
- collation of medical records is time consuming
- liaison with other health professionals essential
- there are many sources of information in health!

A 5 year old can have
- a personal CHR
- immunisations on community database
- a school health record
- community vision, hearing checks
- child mental health record
- physiotherapy, SALT, portage records
- hospital record
- GP record

To Know is to Understand
- there is still no nationally agreed policy on how these multiple records should be handled
- most contain information about birth family
- most have previous names and addresses
- legal advice is conflicting
- new NHS number adds to the confusion

Post Adoption Support begins with the Adoption Medical
- all prospective adopters should be offered an opportunity to meet the medical advisor
- all adopters helped to meet health needs in new district
- liaison after placement with new health professionals is essential

Working with the Birth Family
- medical information is collected by social workers
- birth parents are often alienated
- concerns about confidentiality
- good practice to invite to adoption medical
- most are happy to attend
- all are willing to give health details

The Genetic Revolution
- excluding major genetic malformations …
* 5% population will have a genetically inherited medical condition by the age of 25
* this rises to 60% by the age of 60
- who owns genetic information in adopted children
- screening for genetic disease
- genes for criminality, addiction or mental health?
- tracing individuals and records
- storage of DNA

Life Saving Questions to ask your Parents
- alcoholism increases risk 300%
- asthma increases risk 30-50%
- anorexia and bulimia increases risk x11
- schizophrenia & manic depression x10
- genes identified for increased risk of:
Breast cancer
Ovarian cancer
Colon cancer
Hypercholesterolaemia
Kidney disease
Diabetes
Obesity
Longevity

To Know is to Understand
“ The background information we received was excellent and accurate. It helped up make an informed decision at the time of matching.
It influenced the way we dealt with the child after placement. We felt that we understood her better.”

“ The social worker did not have time to collect a medical history, then the mother disappeared. We found out after his first fit there was a family history of epilepsy. They apparently had no time to tell us he was dyslexic.
We feel so guilty, we wasted all those years of school.”

The Future of Adoption Work in Health
- a different type of doctor
- a different type of work
- needs time
- needs training

Health Support for Life
All adopted children
- will normally regain good physical health
- will show improved pattern of health
- will show improved school progress

All children adopted after infancy
- will have been damaged to some degree in the past
- will have a blue print for survival which becomes more entrenched with age
- will test adopters to the limit and beyond
- will have some degree of resilience
- can be successfully adopted

Health (and Education) Support for Life
- in supporting parents of traumatised children
- little research on what works
(apart from parental commitment)
- therapeutic work is generally unregulated
- a plethora of different therapists, therapies
- very few outcome studies

The Mental Health Maze
- trauma affects attachment and development
- parents become lost in a diagnostic maze
- passed from pillar to post
- often given several diagnoses
- often given conflicting explanations and advice

The Future of Adoption Work in Health
- a different type of doctor
- a different type of work
- needs time
- needs training
- primary or secondary care?
- will it be resourced?
- will there be a new specialty?

And Finally
Second chances are rare both in life and in medicine.
Adoption is a provenmeans of doing this for children.
There were fewer adoptions in England in 1996 than in 1926.
What will be the number in 2026?

Booklist

Posted by admin on Mar-30-2009

The Primal Wound
Understanding the Adopted Child
By Nancy Newton-Verrier
ISBN 0-963 364 80 01 Gateway

Adopters on Adoption
By David Howe
Reflections on parenthood and children
BAAF 1996
ISBN 1-873868-32-4

Raising Adopted Children – practical advice for every adoptive parent
By Lois Ruskai Melina
ISBN 0-06-095717-4

Making Sense of Adoption – A Parents Guide
By Lois Ruskai Melina
ISBN 0-06-096319-0

A Child’s Journey Through Placement
By Vera Fahlberg
BAAF 1994

A theoretical and practical guide to understanding and dealing with common issues in adoption placements including attachment, helping children when they move, child development, common behaviour problems

Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss
Claudia Jewett
Batsford/BAAF
A description of the stages of mourning and the behaviour that can be expected from children, and techniques for helping them through the grieving process

Parenting the Child Who Hurts – The First Steps
Caroline Archer
Published by Adoption UK

Next Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts – Tykes and Teens
Caroline Archer
Published by Adoption UK

Talking About Adoption to Your Adopted Child
By Prue Chennells & Marjorie Morrison
BAAF

The Long Awaited Stork
By Ellen Sarashon Glazer
A guide to parenting after infertility
Lexington Books
ISBN 0-02-911814-x

Real Parents, Real Children
Holy Van Gulden and
Lisa Bartels-Rabb
Crossroad
ISBN 08245 1514-5

The Adoption Reader
Edited by S.Wadia-Ellis
Birth mothers, Adoptive Mothers and Adopted Daughters tell their stories
Seal Press
ISBN 1-878067-65-6

Half a Million Women
By Howe, Hinnings and Sawbridge
Published by Penguin 1992
ISBN 0-436-19155-5.

The Adoption Experience – families who give children a second chance
Ann Morris
Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd
ISBN 1 85302 783 9
BOOKS FOR CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION

Bye Bye Baby
By Janet and Allan Ahlberg
(about a baby looking for a mum and dad)
ISBN 0-7497-0624-4

Horace
By Holly Keller
(about a leopard adopted by tiger parents)
ISBN 0-688-11844-5
Adoption is for Always
By Linda Walvoord Girard (US)
ISBN 0-8075-0187-5 (suitable for school age children)

Lets Talk About It: Adoption
By Fred Rogers
ISBN 0-698-11625-9 (suitable for school age children)
Big Panda, Little Panda
By Joan Stimson
ISBN 0-590-55423-9 (suitable when adopting a younger sibling into the family)

How I was Adopted
By Joanna Cole
published by Mulberry Books
ISBN 0-688-17055-2

Why was I Adopted?
By Carole Livingstone
Angus and Roberts
ISBN 0-207-14404-4

Chester and Daisy Move On
A story about two bear cubs who are adopted
By Angela Lidster
BAAF
ISBN 1-873868-19-7

Nutmeg Gets Adopted
By Judith Foxon
Explores the reasons why children are adopted
BAAF
ISBN 1-873868-99-5
ME 11.01

Adoption Allowances / Leave

Posted by admin on Mar-27-2009

Adoption Agencies are obliged to provide an adoption allowance scheme to help with the financial aspects of bringing up a child or young person. The schemes developed by agencies vary from agency to agency but all are subject to regulations (The Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991).

When considering adoption a number of questions could arise. They could fall into the following:

I think I have what it takes to care for a child and I should like to adopt, but I cannot afford to provide everything he/she will need. Can the agency help me?

Yes. Adoption Allowance Schemes were set up to help children to be adopted. If finance obstacle to the adoption then assistance could be looked at. The schemes are means-tested and are dependent on the needs of the child.

What is an adoption allowance?

An adoption allowance is a contribution towards meeting the extra cost of caring for a child who would not be adopted without an adoption allowance. It is a means tested benefit and is paid by the council who is placing the child for adoption. Whether the allowance is paid depends on the needs of the child, your earnings and savings and the savings of the child.

[Source: The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

In what situation would an allowance may be paid?

An allowance could be paid where:

  • there is an established, strong and important relationship with you before the adoption order is made;
  • it is in the child's best interests to be placed for adoption with brothers or sisters; or you have already adopted the child's brothers or sisters or a child with whom he/she has previously shared a home;
  • at the time of placing the child for adoption, the child is mentally or physically disabled or suffering from the effects of emotional or behavioural difficulties (or a combination of these conditions), and as a result requires a special degree of care which will cost more than a child who is not disabled or suffering from the emotional or behavioural difficulties.
  • at the time of placing the child for adoption, the child is mentally or physically disabled or had emotional or behavioural difficulties but payment of an allowance is not immediately justified because the child's condition had not yet reached the stage where extra expenditure is required. It is anticipated that at some point in the future extra expense could be incurred in meeting the emotional and behavioural needs of the child/young person. In these circumstances the agency could agree an “in principle” allowance so that at some future date payment of an allowance could start if they are satisfied that the child's condition has deteriorated to make the payment of an allowance necessary and that your financial circumstances merit this.
  • at the time of placing the child for adoption, it is known that the child carries a high risk of developing a medical condition, the nature of which would result in higher expenses for you, if the condition were to develop, than was the case at the time the child was placed for adoption. This circumstance would apply, for example, where information relating to the child's medical or genetic history was such that there existed strong grounds for concern about the child's medical prognosis.[Source: regulation 2 of the Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991; The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

    How is it decided that an allowance is to be paid?

    The adoption panel considers whether the adoption:

  • by you would be in the child's best interest, and
  • is practicable without payment of an adoption allowance and makes a recommendation to the agency who has to make a decision on those recommendations. Only if the agency decides that the proposed adoption is in the child's best interests and that the adoption would not be practicable without payment of an allowance will they be able to decide that you are eligible to receive an allowance.[Source: regulation 2 of the Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991 and regulation 11 of the Adoption Agencies Regulations 1983; The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

    How much is the allowance?

    The amount varies from agency to agency. The law does not allow for an adoption allowance to be higher than the fostering allowance paid by the council.

    [Source: regulation 3 of the Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991; The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

    From when is the allowance paid?

    This will be decided by the agency but it cannot be paid before the child is placed with you for the purposes of adoption. If you are already fostering the child a specific date will be agreed with you.

    [Source: regulation 2 of the Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991; The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

    For how long is the allowance paid?

    This depends on the needs of the child, but the allowance will stop when the child:

  • stops living with you permanently;
  • no longer receives full-time education and starts work or qualifies for a placement on a Government training scheme;
  • qualifies for income support in his own right;
  • reaches the age of 18, unless he remains in full-time education. In such a case, the allowance may continue until he reaches the age of 21 so long as he continues in full time education;
  • any predetermined period agreed between you and the agency expires.[Source: regulation 6 of the Adoption Allowance Regulations 1991; The Children Act 1989: Guidance and Regulations, Volume 9 Adoption Issues]

    Will I be able to take time off work to look after my adopted child? (The following response was drawn from the DTI’s website)

    If you have completed one year's service with your employer you will be able to take parental leave. Once the child is placed with you, each adopter will be entitled to a total of 13 weeks unpaid parental leave for each child during the first five years after date of placement, or until the child's eighteenth birthday if this is sooner. If your child is disabled, you will be able to use your leave over a longer period up to the child's 18th birthday. For more information check the Department of Trade & Industry's website.

    From 2003 new rights to adoption leave and paternity leave are being introduced. This follows the consultation on the Green Paper, Work and Parents: Competitiveness and Choice. One parent adopting a child will be able to take adoption leave – 26 weeks paid leave and 26 weeks unpaid leave. The other adoptive parent will be able to take paternity leave. Paternity leave will be for two weeks. Both adoption leave and paternity leave will be paid at the lesser of £100 per week or 90% of average earnings.

    These new rights will be in addition to your existing right to parental leave.

    On 8 November 2001 the Government published its Government Response on Simplification of Maternity Leave, Paternity Leave and Adoption Leave. This sets out how adoption leave and paternity leave will work. The new rights are included in the Employment Bill which was introduced on 7 November 2001. For further information see the Department of Trade and Industry's website.

    Will I be entitled to social security benefits?

    There are different rules for each of the benefits; some benefits will not be paid if the child is not adopted whereas some benefits can be paid for the child during the period up to the making of the adoption order. You can claim Child Benefit as soon as the child has been placed with you but you cannot get Child Benefit if a local authority are paying you an allowance which includes an amount for the child's accommodation and maintenance. Contact your benefit office for more information or, for general information check the website for the Department of Work and Pensions (formerly the Department of Social Security). The Inland Revenue now operates the Working Families Tax Credit which replaced Family Credit. The Children's Tax Credit is being introduced from 6 April 2001. The Credit is for one child even if you have more than one child. You can claim this credit if the child is adopted, under 16 years of age and lives with you all or part of the time. For more information check the Inland Revenue's website.

    If you think you meet the criteria to adopt, go ahead and contact your council or voluntary adoption agency. The children who need new parents, need people like you to come forward to offer them a new life, hope, love and a family.

    Can leave be postponed under the fallback scheme if an employee wants to take leave immediately after the birth or adoption of a child?

    When an employee applies to take parental leave immediately after the birth or adoption of a child, then the employer cannot postpone the leave. The employee needs to give 21 days’ notice before the beginning of the expected week of childbirth (expectant mothers will be able to provide this information to their partners). In the case of adoption, the employee needs to give 21 days’ notice of the expected week of placement. In rare cases where this is not possible, an adoptive parent should give the notice as soon as is reasonably practicable.

    Recent News:

    The government have released a new consultation document called Providing Effective Adoption Support. Throughout the document are references to ”financial support” and how best to deliver it. It provides an interest glimpse of the direction in which the government wishes to go in terms of providing support for adopters and in particular financial support.

    Follow this link to the web page:

    http://www.doh.gov.uk/adoption/effectivesupport.htm

  • Book Review

    Posted by admin on Mar-27-2009

    Raising Your Spirited Child: A guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic.
    By Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

    We have read a number of books to help us understand our daughter and this has been by far the most helpful. After our social worker lent us a copy of the book my wife eagerly read it from cover to cover.

    My busy life started to become interspersed with ‘ this is so perceptive’ and ‘you really should read this book’. Why should I read the book when I have a ready-made critic to filter out the most pertinent areas and update me on anything useful. Its not that I don’t love my daughter deeply or want to find ways to understand and support her, more that as a busy dad with little interest in books I thought spending my time playing and cuddling with her and awaiting my wifes input on potential behaviour strategies was the way forward.

    However, having tried out some of the advice in the book and seen some benefits I finally made the effort to read it myself. Suddenly I realised I was a ‘spirited’ parent and my daughter was in many ways a reflection of myself. As I read through the chapters everything seemed to make so much sense. Why had this straightforward understanding of our problems been so elusive for so long. I also began to feel more positive about things, after all my parents did not have the benefit of this book and I don’t think I’ve turned out to badly.

    It was occasionally like reading the results of a personality profile carried out by my employer. It felt like the whole world knew about my personality and the stresses of our attempt to be good parents. That in itself is quite frightening on one hand, however, on the other it gives you a boost when you realise and accept you are not the only people dealing with these issues.

    I soon came to realise that I needed to modify my behaviour and use my daughter’s intensity, sensitivity and energy as positive traits on which to help her build confidence for the future. The world is such that she will have to cope with ‘spirited’ behaviour from others. This book has given us the opportunity to understand her more and hopefully make the difference as she moves through her life.

    We have noticed an improvement in our daughter’s behaviour and ability to deal with disappointment in a more mature way. This is something that has not changed overnight and a number of our friends believe it’s just her age (she is 7) and that she is slowly growing out of it. There may of course be an element of this, however without the ideas in this book and a newfound understanding of my own ‘spirit’ we are sure things would not have improved as much. We have now found a way to appreciate her for what she is and are confident of a positive future.

    We would recommend this book to anyone who wants to understand and help their child, whom in all likelihood just has a little bit ‘more’ of everything than other children.

    SHARING BOOKS WITH CHILDREN

    Posted by admin on Mar-27-2009

    Sharing books by looking and reading together with your children is a very important way of building up relationships. Children learn by imitation and practice, and if, in their early years they have not had the experience of sharing books with adults, it is never too late to start! They need your help to learn about the richness of books in a positive, playful way.

    Susan Straub is a clinical social worker and psychotherapist, who thinks it is very important that parents read to children. So important in fact, that she created a mother and baby reading programme, Read to me, in New York City.

    I recently read an article by her [Books for Keeps No.132 Jan.2002], in which she recommended two picture books:
    • The Story of Ferdinand by Munro Lawson [currently out of print, but hopefully available via public libraries
    • Owl Babies by Martin Waddell, published by Walker

    The Story of Ferdinand is about an independent young bull and his understanding mother who trusted and allowed her son to be himself.

    The Owl Babies deal with separation anxiety that is present in many children.

    Whilst Susan suggests these books for young children, it is likely that their appeal and underlying messages will be helpful to older children. As we know, adopted children may have missed out on many of the early ‘building blocks’, and it is never to late to revisit these issues.

    The Department of Education website has useful information for parents helping their children to read and can be found at http://www.dfes.gov.uk/read/

    You may also be interested in visiting Susan Straub web site, as she recommends various books www.readtomeprogram.org

    REVIEWERS WELCOME:
    If you have read a book that you would like to recommend to others, please let us know and we would welcome featuring your review.

    Lw13.03.02

    Bullying

    Posted by admin on Mar-27-2009

    Bullying is something that affects many children either because they are bullied themselves or because they bully others. In either case it comes as a shock to their parents when they discover what is happening and they can feel at a loss as to what to do.

    The following guidance may help:

    What is bullying?
    Bullying can be:
    • Verbal – name calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, persistent teasing.
    • Physical – pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and other forms of violence or threats.
    • Emotional – excluding (sending to Coventry), tormenting, ridicule, humiliation.
    • Racist – racial taunts, graffiti, gestures.
    • Sexual – unwanted physical contact or abusive comments

    The effects of persistent bullying can be:
    • Depression
    • Low self-esteem
    • Shyness
    • Poor academic achievement
    • Isolation
    • Threatened or attempted suicide

    Possible signs that your child is being bullied:
    Children may:
    • be frightened of walking to and from school or all change their usual route
    • not want to go on school bus
    • beg you to drive them to school
    • be unwilling to go to school or becomes school phobic
    • feel ill in the mornings
    • start truanting
    • begin doing poorly in their school work
    • come home regularly with their clothes or books destroyed
    • come home starving (dinner money has been taken)
    • become withdrawn, start stammering, lack confidence
    • become distressed and anxious, stop eating
    • attempt or threaten suicide
    • cry themselves to sleep, have nightmares
    • have their possessions go missing
    • ask for money or start stealing (to pay bully)
    • continually "lose" their pocket money
    • refuse to talk about what is wrong
    • have unexplained cuts, bruises, scratches
    • begin to bully other children e.g. brothers and sisters
    • become aggressive and unreasonable
    • give improbable excuses for any of the above

    How you can help:
    • If you are worried about your child being bullied ask him or her directly. Children who are being bullied are often frightened to tell anyone, including you, what is happening so they may deny at first that there is
    anything wrong. Encourage your child, offering to support and help them, whatever the problem is. Try and find out exactly what has been going on and do not promise to keep the bullying secret. Instead
    reassure your child that you will help them sort out the problem.
    • Make notes about all bullying incidents.
    • Talk to the teacher/head teacher if it is school bullying
    • Help your child to practise strategies such as shouting no, walking with confidence and running away.
    • If your child seems to be bullied wherever they go it they may need to develop social skills to enable them to talk or play with other children.
    • If they have a socially unacceptable habit which is causing them to be bullied e.g. picking their nose then help them to change this behaviour.
    • If you feel it would help your child’s self –confidence, ask them if they would like to take self-defence classes.

    Further information, advice and help:
    See Kidscape at www.kidscape.org.uk.
    Sm27.03.02

    Adopted Children's Health

    Posted by admin on Mar-27-2009

    Dr Mary Mather spoke inspiringly at the post adoption conference in Oxford. Her theme was the importance of good medical assessments and records for children who are adopted.

    Other Forms of Contact

    Posted by admin on Mar-25-2009

    At Christmas and in the summer we have Letterbox Contact with our son’s birth mother. At Christmas there is an exchange of cards and we send a few photos and a short letter. In the summer we again send some photos and a letter telling his birth mother how he has done at school.
    Our son has three older siblings and we have Letterbox Contact with all of them. Sadly our son’s birth mother was unable to care for any of her children. Our son’s eldest sibling lives with the extended family and we write once a year, usually soon after our son’s birthday and send a photo. We have never received anything back but we will continue to write. As this child does see their birth mother we do sometimes get a photo. The other two siblings are adopted together. Again we write to them once a year. For a long time we did not receive anything from them. Our son was overjoyed when last year we eventually received some photos and a letter. We have told him some of the details of the letter but he was far more interested in the photos. He was able to see that one of his siblings is very tall like he is and has the same colour hair. The other child looks very like his birth mother. For some reason these children do not see their birth mother and so we have to be careful about what we say in the letters.
    There will be an exchange of photos and information just before contact with our daughter’s birth mother. We will also send cards at Christmas. Although our daughter does have birth siblings, there are no plans for Letter Box Contact at this time as it would not be appropriate.
    We have a file where we keep copies of letters sent and received. This will become more and more important as the children get older and begin to take more control of Letter Box Contact. The Agencies that placed our children have a system whereby they receive and send out information so that our home addresses are not used.

    What happens after contact?

    Posted by admin on Mar-25-2009

    Sometimes the children ask lots of questions immediately after contact, sometimes they will ask something a few days or even weeks later. We cannot always answer their questions but when we can we try to be as honest as possible. Immediately after contact the children are often a little sad. We have found that the best thing is to give the child permission to be sad, but to remind them that we will be seeing their birth mum again. We always take photos of the children with their birth mothers and get the film developed quickly. The children then choose a photo for their room and one to send to their birth mother.

    Login